When I was a kid, the worst thing the other kids could call you was a crybaby or a sore loser. Should that dread fate befall you, you’d wise up fast.
Here’s all it took: Stop crying.
Learn to say, “Good game,” after you lost.
Shake hands.
Why is it then, and how is it, that the world’s biggest crybaby and sore loser — a gelatinous lump no good at sports, afraid even to shake hands — has enthralled tens of millions of Americans, by demanding that they cry with him, over spilled, not-even real milk?
Why is it, and how, that nearly one-half of the residents of The World’s Greatest Democracy have been reduced to a bunch of crybabies and sore losers? Above all, in the halls of Congress.
Were I a wiser man, I would explain it to you. But after pondering as long as I could stand, and coming up empty, I decided — what the hell, might as well do some research. (Which the immortal Dave Barry defined as “farting around on the internet.”)
Here is what I found.
Simple math (according to my computer’s Calculator function) shows that 15 out of 50 states equals 30 percent of the states. (Do the math yourself, if your computer has a Calculator function.)
So, inquisitive soul that I am (still legal in most states other than Texas, unless prohibited, regulated or taxed), I asked my computer how many voters went for the Big Crybaby on Nov. 3, 2020, in the 15 states below the Mason-Dixon Line.
Turned out that 41.5% of voters below the old Mason-Dixon Line had voted for the Crybaby — 30,805,056 of the Sore Loser’s 74,223,369 votes — 41.5% of his national tally.
Yet those 15 states of the Old South account for only 21% of our national population — 69,108,517 of 328.2 million.
In other words, support for the Big Crybaby was twice as fervent in the Old South as in the rest of the country.
Why is it that the Crybaby racked up so many votes in Dixie — the states that lost the Civil War? Could it be that the Crybaby’s “base” are sore losers, like him? And that the Republican Party’s war against voting is related, in some sorta way, to, umm … racism? Another Lost Cause, just like the first one, a war that was vile at its base?
Here’s how many votes the Big Crybaby garnered in states below the Mason-Dixon line on Nov. 3, 2020, and his percentage of the vote in each state:
Alabama – 1,441,170 – 62.2% •
Arkansas – 760,647 – 62.4% •
Florida – 5,668,731 – 51.2%
Georgia – 2,461,854 – 49.3% *
Kentucky – 1,326,646 – 62.1% •
Louisiana – 1,255,776 – 58.5%
Mississippi – 756,764 – 57.6%
Missouri – 1,718,736 – 56.8%
North Carolina – 2,758,773 – 50.1%
Oklahoma – 1,020,280 – 65.4% •
South Carolina – 1,385,103 – 55.1%
Tennessee – 1,852,475 – 60.7% •
Texas – 5,890,347 – 52.1%
West Virginia – 545,382 – 68.6% •
Virginia – 1,962,382 – 49% *
The bullets (•) indicate states where more than 3 in 5 voters went for the Crybaby. These are states where, were I a Democratic “strategist,” I would not spend a dime. Let ‘em get over it and grow up.
The two asterisks indicate the Dixie states where voters got over it and grew up.
These statistics indicate that if Democrats really want to fight — always a questionable proposition these days — they should concentrate their short-term spending (and that’s what our so-called democracy has come down to) in Florida, Virginia, Georgia and Texas.
In the long term, South Carolina and Missouri may be susceptible to reason, though I wouldn’t bet on it.
To sum up, I would say that today’s Republican Party is the worst thing you could inflict on a child, if you want her to grow up healthy and happy — not a crybaby or a sore loser.
from Courthouse News
